I have a confession: I want to be intimate with grief.

Say what? This is certainly a desire that appears self-destructive on the surface.

However, it strikes me that Jesus was, and is, intimate with grief.

“He was despised and rejected by men, a man of deep sorrows who was no stranger to suffering and grief. We hid our faces from him in disgust and considered him a nobody, not worthy of respect.” Isaiah 53:3

This is a comforting truth to behold as I consider, remember, and sometimes live in deep and overwhelming grief. Oswald Chambers points out that Jesus didn’t just endure grief or simply get through grief, he was intimate with grief.

What does that mean? To be intimate with grief? Intimacy is deep knowing . . . To know beyond understanding and become one. What would it mean to become one with grief?

Jesus, Man of Sorrows, intimate with grief.

Do I have the courage to meet Jesus in this space or will I simply get through, brush grief under the rug, and move on?

I want to enter into this place, simply for the purpose of intimately meeting Jesus there. And I don’t want to be afraid to linger.

As I continue to consider what it is to meet Jesus in the deep, intimate place of grief, I consider the words of Oswald Chambers: “The way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow.” He goes on to say that it is foolish to evade sorrow, or refuse to lay our account with it. It seems that suffering either gives life or destroys life.

I want to meet Jesus in the intimate place of grief. I want to meet Jesus in the fires of sorrow. I want to find myself there. I want to find the divine there. I want to find life there.

There are moments when I am struggling and tired. I want to hide myself away.

It is in these moments that I have the opportunity to learn to be intimate with sorrow. Sorrow often arises from the deprivation of something good that we actually possessed. Something truly good.

Sorrow can be described at times as the opposite of joy. Sorrow is a form of passion that contracts, the heart, sinks the spirit, and can injure our health.  Is this what is meant by Jesus being a Man of Sorrows? Perhaps. Perhaps deep and passionate sorrow springs from deep and passionate love for that which is good.

“For God so loved the world . . .” Creation, full of so much beauty, designed for goodness and life. The beauty of Creation is the extreme experience of goodness and life. And yet, the flip side is the corruption of Creation, the extreme experience of darkness and death.

This is the space of sorrow. Truly seeing clearly the extremity of the light while simultaneously seeing clearly the extremity of the darkness.

Jesus became Sorrow when he separated himself from that which is extraordinarily good in order to heal and rescue that which is broken.

I have lived in that which is good. I have possessed it. I have experienced it. I have believed in it. I have been committed and faithful to it. I have loved with passion and oneness. I have loved with dreams and joy.

Even as I wrestle with with learning and desiring to be intimate with grief, there is still joy - and life beyond measure.

Have courage to discover what it is to be intimate with grief. Perhaps you will meet Jesus there. Perhaps you will finally truly live.

“You will have sorrow for now, but when I see you again, you will dance for joy. And no one will be able to take your joy from you.” John 16:20