I have a confession: I never thought that I would succumb to ink on my body. But here I am with tattoo number three . . . And I kind of love it. (A fair bit of this is due to my highly talented niece who heard my story, designed this, and then inked this on my arm with great care and precision. She is an inspiration and a gift!)

Healing comes in waves.

Not too long ago some buried hurt stemming from several years ago hit me like a ton of bricks.  I’ll go into the details of the particulars at another time, but I’ll tell you now that I was reminded of the deep pain and the realization of how that pain has impacted my life and my self-worth and my view of God and many, many other aspects of my life and heart and soul. Somehow, there was some freedom in simply acknowledging the depth of the pain.

I was telling my counselor about it and as I was talking, she told me that she had a vision of a sword . . . A sword that plunged from above me, into my heart and down into my gut. If nothing else, I felt known and seen in that moment.

Yes! That is how deep the pain really is.

She went on to tell me that she saw the sword being pulled out and that as it is pulled out, the place where the sword was would close up, heal, and be filled with light.

A few moments later she told me that I have to pull out the sword.

This all resonated with me deeply and I knew that I would need to continue to meditate on it. In the coming days, additional meaning came as a gift and a promise. I was reminded of the symbolism of the Sword of the Spirit. Of course! Firstly, part of the pain I am seeking to recover from  is associated with a spiritual awakening and my inner journey with my own spirit and the spiritual realm, the Holy Spirit.  Secondly, the Sword of the Spirit represents the Word of God. God has recently given me the promise that God’s word would be opened up to me once again.

A few days later I was reading this passage of scripture-

“After this, a Jewish festival took place, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. By the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem, there is a pool called Bethesda. (In Aramaic, Bethesda= House of Loving Kindness.) Within these lay a large number of the disabled - blind, lame, and paralyzed.

One man was there who had been disabled for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and realized he had already been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be well?’

‘Sir,’ the disabled man answered, ‘I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I’m coming, someone goes down ahead of me.’

‘Get up,’ Jesus told him, ‘pick up your mat and walk.’ Instantly the man got well, picked up his mat, and started to walk.”

John 5:1-10

As I read the words, “take your mat, get up and walk,” all I heard was- “pull out the sword!”

This message is for me.

And maybe it is for you too.

Ditch the excuses.

Ditch the doubt.

Pick up the mat.

Walk.

Pull out the sword.

Participate in your own healing.

-Tam