Silence as Pulpit
I have a confession: I think I may be addicted to chaos and noise.
I am currently pursuing my doctorate and this was to be a week spent at a monastery for class, prayer, study, solitude, and community. Given the current crisis, we were not able to meet at the monastery, a devastating reality. Instead, this class is taking place virtually. There are hours of zoom meetings each day and designated time for study and prayer and solitude. I have been concerned about pulling this off since my four year old spawn is the loudest toddler on the planet. A beautiful gift came when someone offered their lake house to me at the final hour.
And so... I am at a lake house. By myself.
Today it is cold and dreary. I woke up, thinking that I was feeling refreshed, but that feeling has increasingly dissipated as the day wears on. Instead, the silence has become deafening. At times silence is simply uncomfortable. There are other moments when silence is excruciating.
I have hoped that the silence of this week would provide space for the answers that I have been searching for to finally break through. Today the literal silence makes me even more aware of the spiritual silence that resonates in my soul. Instead of answers making their way into the silence, more questions spring to the surface.
At times it is only my wails that stifle the silence and I am reminded that Ugly Cry may be the most profound prayer that I can pray.
I am sitting at the pulpit of silence.
Silence stands behind the pulpit and taunts me. Silence stands behind the pulpit and challenges me. Silence stands behind the pulpit and comforts me. Silence stands behind the pulpit and invites me to stop trying, stop searching, and just be.
What message does silence have for me? What message does silence have for you? Silence can be both figurative and literal. Sometimes silence is loud. Sometimes noise reminds us of the silence ringing in our soul.
God has not pulled me out of the silence. There are still messages to receive in the silence. Perhaps there are for you too. Don't rush too quickly for answers. Revel in the mystery of the silence and cling to every glimpse of hope that you receive.
What is your comfort level with silence? What messages have you received in times of silence? Let's talk about it in the comments.
Silence grants a place of pause.
Pause in the silence, my friend.
-Tam xoxo
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Silence as Pulpit also available on Youtube with the sights and silent sounds of the lake.