I have a confession: As much as I want to be wildly free, I wonder if I have the strength to take the steps to get there.

I can talk openly about my desire to ditch the status quo and find wild freedom,  but the reality is that I may make a huge mess of this endeavor.

For better or for worse, I often share before it’s settled.

It struck me today that a giant aspect of getting to the place of being wildly free and truly going against the status quo is . . . surrender.

Surrender means to cease resistance. What is it that I am resistant to? What is it that you are resistant to?

Perhaps a part of surrender is sitting with the reality of our lives. We don’t need to sugarcoat the reality of being human. The Creator created us to be human. Surrender. Cease resistance to sit in the honest reality of life.

Surrender before it’s settled. Surrender before all the questions are answered and all the tears are dry.

Sometimes, sitting in the honest reality of our lives means to come to grips with the emotions and thoughts that sometimes creep in and plague us. This might be bitterness, resentment, pain, and heartache. Should we stay in these places? Should we feed our bitterness pain and heartache? Certainly not. But we also must not deny the reality.

Perhaps part of surrender, and being able to see our naked self, is to open our eyes to truly see ourselves.

See the pain. And then, have the opportunity to see beyond. Seeing beyond is not to forget the reality of our human circumstances, but to find joy in the beyond.

Perhaps part of surrender is sitting in the tension of being human while also longing for more.

I’ve seen enough of the beyond that it seems almost petty to sit in any amount of bitterness and resentment, or any other type of negative emotion. I practice gratitude continuously. I see inexplicable joy in sunsets and flowing water. My children are a treasure that far surpasses any circumstances that I could complain about. I have experienced immeasurable grace. I know God‘s presence. The reality that I have been able to catch glimpses of the miraculous power of the Creator is such a gift. How could I possibly be dragged down or unhappy? Shouldn’t I only be grateful?

And yet, perhaps at times, I need to surrender and truly see myself and see my pain . . . so that I can truly see beyond.

My kids were talking the other night about what they want to be when they grow up. One of my daughters said that she wants to be a “House Mom.” Apparently that is the lingo the kids are using these days for “stay at home mom.”

“Yes, me too,” I thought. “I wanted this too. But, my time has passed.” Sometimes I want to sit in bitterness, sadness, or blame. Why could this simple dream not have been a reality for me?

The kids talked about the age at which they wanted to find their soulmate, their partner.

“Yes, me too,” I thought. “I had those same dreams. It was my greatest desire and something I never imagined would not come to pass. And yet, here I am with a perpetual broken heart.”

I don’t know where my home will be in a month or in a year.

I’m thankful for the work I have been given. But, it’s not representative of the dreams I have had for my life. It doesn’t quite fulfill the longings in my soul.

Surrender before it’s settled. Surrender before all the questions are answered and all the tears are dry.

I choose to cease resistance and sit in that which is still unhealed, and yet, not allow it to overcome me. Both realities can be true at the same time. Sorrow and joy.

I cease resistance to the tears while also embracing the greater reality: the best is yet to come. My eyes and my spirit are learning to see it. I know that my broken dreams only lie on the surface and there is beauty and life beyond my imagination.

Perhaps surrendering is being aware of our frailty while also being aware of our royalty.

A step in being wildly free in the wilderness is to surrender to sitting in your stuff while simultaneously opening your eyes and spirit to see beyond.

Surrender before it’s settled. Surrender before all the questions are answered and all the tears are dry.