Ditch the Why for the What

I have a confession: Sometimes I get stuck.

As I think about my last post that reflected on the reality of our choices, I realize that I sometimes get stuck in the ‘why’. As I process choices and outcomes, it is not so much the why that matters as the what.

We get so caught up in the “Why?”

Why did I do that?

Why have things turned out this way?

Why am I struggling?

Why is life hard?

Why is my resolve strong one day and not the next?

We get so caught up in the “Why?” that we miss the “What?”

What am I learning?

What is it that I want?

What am I feeling?

What can I do differently next time?

What goals can I work toward?

The question of ‘why’ is about reason. The question of ‘what’ is about value.

No wonder we get stuck in the ‘why’ . . . Sometimes life and emotions and the world is not sensical and goes beyond human reason. Oh - but value! - Value always has the opportunity to be found and celebrated.

Why is a question of shame.

What is a question of growth and acceptance.

I believe that God invites me to live in the ‘What’. God doesn’t get stuck in asking me, “WHY did you do that?” God says, “What next?” God invites me to go and live differently. God invites me not to hurt myself and not to rob myself of joy and wholeness.

As I have reflected on this, I struggle a bit because my memory tells me that God does ask, “Why?” in scripture. So, I have to acknowledge that there is an element of purpose in the ‘Why.’ But, I also realize that as humans we often misinterpret and get incredibly stuck there. It seems like an abomination and distraction from the beauty of the life that God offers. You see, God’s ‘Why’ is not a question of shame. It is designed to move us toward the ‘What’ - the more, the growth, the acceptance, the freedom, the hope. As humans, we have turned it into a question of shame that keeps us trapped. That does not come from God.

Upon further examination, what I often find in scripture is that Jesus’ ‘why’ questions seem to be reminders to release ourselves and one another from shame and anxiety.

The religious leaders often ask Jesus why he does what he does. Jesus answers with value statements. He craftily points out that they are missing the point. (Luke 6:2)

Jesus says in a teaching, “Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin.” (Matthew 6:28)

Jesus invites us to ditch the ‘Why’ of our anxiety and live peacefully with growth and acceptance.

When a man named Peter steps out of a boat to walk on the water toward Jesus, he takes his eyes off of Jesus for just a moment and begins to sink. Jesus says, “You of little faith, why do you doubt?”

Jesus invites us to focus on the faith and not on the doubt. (Matthew 14:31)

In a story, where Jesus visits two sisters, one of the sisters sits at the feet of Jesus and listens, leans in, is fully present and at peace. The other sister is running herself ragged to make sure that all things are just right. Jesus says, “ Martha, Martha, you are anxious and trouble about many things, but one thing is necessary.” (Luke 10:41)

Jesus invites us to release ourselves from pressure and simply be present.

There is a woman who is perceived as living a sinful life. She enters where Jesus is and offers an enormous sacrifice when she pours expensive perfume on Jesus’ dirty feet. Jesus does not question the reasons behind her life choices. But his followers question all of it. “Why this waste?”

Jesus replies to this question with another why question, “Why do you trouble the woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me.” (Matthew 26:8-10) The onlookers are missing the point. They cannot see past their criticism to see the value.

Jesus invites us to stop being critical of ourselves, and one another, and live in beauty and acceptance.

Perhaps we should learn to be excessively kind to ourselves, and one another, and start asking the ‘What’ questions, if any questions are necessary at all. What would it look like if we would simply listen and withhold judgment? Maybe we should learn how to ask ourselves and others questions that assign and elicit and inspire value and hope and release us from entrapment.

It is far past time to ditch the ‘Why’ for the ‘What’. Ditch the shame of the ‘Why’. Embrace the beautiful freedom of the growth and acceptance in the space of ‘What’.