To the Depths

I have a confession: Surface living is simply not satisfying.

Disconnect feels increasingly unnatural to me. Polarity in mindset and thinking and action and relationship is somehow missing the mark of truly living. I can’t quite understand or articulate this thought, but I sense it in my spirit. To see and experience life on the surface or through a lens of labels is to not truly see. It is to not truly live. It is to miss the ‘more.’ It is, perhaps, to trust self more than we trust God. It is to miss the Divine - maybe even turn our backs on the Divine and make a mockery of faith.

Yikes.

Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. Sinful. Holy. Prideful. Humble.

Is the distance between good and bad and right and wrong and sin and holiness and pride and humility really all that far? Perhaps there is no distance at all. If we stay on the surface, yes. On the surface it is somehow easier. We can fake it and explain things away and separate ourselves from ourselves and one another. We can separate ourselves from what is real. On the surface we can pretend and go through the motions. All the while, it is empty and motionless and stagnant and dirty - and we are bound up and disconnected from ourselves and one another and God.

Just, yuck.

But, what if, in the depths, there is no distance at all? What if . . . the depths is the space where somehow everything exists together in a profound and sacred way?

I love, love, love these words from Richard Rohr:

“If we stay on the fearful or superficial side of the religious spectrum, religion is invariably defined by exclusionary purity codes, that always separate things into sacred or profane. God is still distant, punitive, and scary . . .

What makes something secular, or profane is precisely to live on the surface of it . . .

Everything is profane if we live on the surface of it, and everything is sacred if we go into the depths of it  - Even sin . . . “

I am still living on the surface, but I am digging deeper. The depths, where all things and experiences are divinely connected, are closer than ever.

In the reality that I currently find myself in, life is real, to say the least. Realer than it’s ever been.

More than ever, I am experiencing Real fear AND Real peace. These are coexisting completely together . . . Real uncertainty AND Real hope . . . Real loneliness AND Real intimacy . . . Real pain AND Real healing . . . Real brokenness AND Real wholeness . . . Real grief AND Real joy. Somehow all of these things are one in the same at the same time at all times. It is a phenomenon I cannot quite explain, but I am living in it moment by moment, day by day. It is ridiculously scary and beautiful at the same time.

I want to go to the depths and never return. I want to abide there.

How do I get there? Do I strive? Do I think myself there? Do I work harder?

Or, do I simply just let go of all I think that I know and all that I think that I am? Do I let go and just fall?

Fall into the depths where there is no shame.

Fall into the depths where there is no exclusion.

Fall into the depths where there is wholeness, connectedness, and utter goodness.

I do not want to live in the vanity and profanity of the surface. I want to live in the depths where all is sacred and all is well.

My spirit tells me that I will continue to meet God there. I hope to meet you and me there as well.