Parenting as Pulpit Introduction
I have a confession: Sometimes I feed my kids popcorn and chocolate chip cookies for dinner.
Y'all. I have four kids and I have no idea what I am doing. My four and half year old still poops her pants. My ten year old son sleeps in my bed. My seven year old's favorite game is to play "college", which solely consists of making out with a pillow. My thirteen year old recently said to me, "Well, I didn't actually hear what you said, but I just know that I don't agree with anything you say."
I'm not great at playing with my kids. I just want to drink coffee with them and talk about life. But they aren't so much into this yet. About 10 years ago I started working a 9-5 job and it was an excruciating adjustment. My daughter was four and my son was two. One afternoon, I thought I would do what I thought was my motherly duty and played "dog" with my daughter- an imaginary game where you... well, pretend that you are dog. I was so pleased with myself because I'd managed to play this atrocious game for 15 minutes. When it was time for me to quit playing so I could go fix dinner (Thank God!), she got really upset. I sat on the floor and started crying. She and her two year old brother were silent. Eventually she came over and hugged me an I finally stopped crying. After my tears were dried, she said, "Mommy, why did you cry in front of the children? I wish you wouldn't have done that."
And this, my friends, became a teachable moment. This became a moment when I let my kids on the secret that I am human. I explained that grown ups cry too sometimes and that sometimes life is hard. And that the reality of all that is a-okay.
I let my kids in on the secret that I am human.
Parenting. It's all about love and humility and having the courage to embrace the teachable moments, even when you don't feel like it.
Apologize. A lot. Let them see your humanity. Admit when you are wrong and impatient. Also explain when your angry rant is justified. I have to pull out my mom voice often so that they understand the gravity of the discipline. I am getting better at controlling that stellar mom tone and mustering it up with intentionality rather than rage. There are many times when I am not actually angry, but I know that this is a teachable moment that I can't pass up. I know that I have to call things out in the moment because it impacts how they will survive in this world as adults.
And laugh. Laugh a lot. Don't take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh when they accidentally say four letter words and wipe their poop all over the walls. Stop worrying. Just love those precious little people. And give yourself a whole lot of grace. All they need is your unconditional love.
Also, will you just quit comparing yourself to others? Parent your kids with YOUR gifts and strengths! Your kids need YOU-- the good, the bad, and the ugly. They need YOU.
Hang in there in mommy and daddy. None of us really know what we are doing, but we are in it together.
Tam xoxo
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